Are You Kidding Me?

New relationships. They’re great. In the beginning you are enjoying each others company and getting to know one another. But what happens when you start getting too comfortable with each other?

That can be a good thing, but sometimes it can be bad. Getting comfortable with one another means you are moving a step in the right direction, but can it also signal the end of your relationship?

Too many times I’ve been in a relationship where we start taking each other for granted. Things we used to do for one another out of kindness disappear and we start expecting it instead.

After that things get boring. There’s no surprises, it just becomes routine. Nothing to look forward to but the same old boring stuff each day.

So how do you stop this from happening? My advice? Keep the relationship fun. What’s the point of arguing like a married couple if you aren’t even near that point yet? Why sit at home and watch reruns on tv as if you’ve been together for 50 years?

Go out and do things. Have fun. Try something both of you normally wouldn’t do. Go to an amusement park. See a movie at a drive-in theater. Get lost together on an impromptu road trip. Build a fire out back and roast marshmallows. Go on an art walk.

There are tons of activities you can do while still enjoying each others company. Keep things fun and new, even if you’ve been together for awhile. There’s no reason anything should ever get boring.

A few months ago I got an article published at SheKnows.com. You can view it here. It’s called the ‘5 Stages of Relationship Grief’. In the article I applied the 5 stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) and related them to dealing with a breakup.

In the article I took a humorous approach, but these stages can be very serious for someone going through a rough breakup.

I remember times of being broken up with where I thought I would never be the same again. I thought that life without this person wasn’t worth being around for. I thought I would never love again.

But the pain passes, just like in these stages. Each person deals with things in their own way and in their own time. It may take longer than others, but eventually most of us get over things and move on. We move on and meet new people and realize that maybe things happened that way for a reason, in order for us to meet this great person we have now.

The pain we feel at the time of the breakup is real, but if we stick with it then it will eventually become part of the past. Part of the past that we rarely think about anymore.

I was reading an article today in a magazine that listed 30 or so ways to snoop on your man. It actually gave detailed instructions on what to look through and what to look for when he isn’t around.

Do I agree with this? No. I don’t think a magazine should be promoting distrust in your partner and sneakiness on your part.

Have I done some of this stuff before? Yes, but not many. I only did it with one person and he had given me many reasons to suspect that other activity was going on. I don’t regret what I did, because it made me break up with him, but I felt really bad looking through his phone and his MySpace account. In the end though, it was good that I did it, otherwise I’d probably still be in that bad relationship today.

I think that if a guy leaves outright clues that he is cheating or doing something he isn’t supposed to, then you can look at those. But as for snooping, I wouldn’t like it if it was done to me, so I never do it to anyone else. What I don’t know won’t hurt me. Same with friends that talk about me behind my back. If I never hear what they said specifically, I can’t get stressed about it.

What about you? Do you agree that it’s okay to snoop around your man’s things anytime you want?

Do dating/relationship books actually work?

I have seen and read so many how-to books that sometimes the information all blends together. There’s one I can remember that stands out, called He’s Just Not That Into You. The reason I liked it was because it was blunt and to the point. It basically said that he may act this way because he just doesn’t like you enough. Yeah, it hurts to hear that someone isn’t that into you, but it made me realize that if a guy treats you badly, he’s not worth it.

So back to relationship books. I think that some of them out there are really good, but for the most part they all say the same information. If you buy one and like it, don’t go out and waste your money on more, they will all tell you the same thing.

What are your recommendations on relationship books?

What are your worst vacation stories of going with a guy you are dating?

I once went to a casino with a man I was dating at the time. At first it seemed like it was going to be okay, but things quickly turned bad. We were planning on spending the night at the casino’s hotel and had each agreed to pay half. When he went to pay his half, I noticed he used all his money. I asked him about it, and he said that’s all he brought.

Hello? That’s all you brought for the next 2 days?

I didn’t say anything but was quietly steaming. Over the course of the night and next day, I proceeded to gamble while he stood behind me and watched. Watched because he had absolutely no money and I refused to lend him any to play with. Oh, but he had made sure to bring a whole cooler full of beer, which he drank out of these huge cans walking throughout the casino.

Needless to say, I couldn’t wait to get back.

Now it’s your turn. Let’s hear those horror vacation stories.

What do you do when you feel like you and the guy you are dating seem to be becoming just friends?

Have you ever felt like you were one of the guys, and not the girlfriend?

We all want to be the ‘cool girlfriend’ that seems carefree, calm and fun to be with. But sometimes that can turn into being one of the guys and you definitely don’t want that.

What are some ways to make sure this doesn’t happen?

Make sure you let him know that you still like being treated like a lady. If he wants to open doors for you or pay for dinner or a night out, let him.

If he makes jokes that are normally offensive and gross, laugh a little to make him feel good, but then drop it and change the subject. Don’t egg him on into making both of you look like best buds out on the town.

Keep the boundaries there and there will be a fine line that he won’t cross.

I have heard many things in my day, but comments from men I date are sometimes the best (and rudest). I’ve heard such things as:

“I’d like you better if you lost a few pounds.”

“You’re prettier than her….facially.”

“I’d be all yours if you were thinner.”

And so on. It’s not like I’m overweight or anything, I just have a few extra pounds I need to get rid of. But the comments that I’ve heard over the years have brought me down where I find myself sitting on home eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream just to spite them.

The funny thing is, I never change. They meet me when I look like I do, and I always stay the same. So I’m curious as to why I’m suddenly not good enough after a few months.

I’ve realized that a real man will look past (or not even notice) faults on a woman.

What are the craziest, meanest, rudest things you’ve ever heard from someone you were dating? And what did you do about it?

What happens when things get boring with someone you’ve been with for awhile? How do you prevent things falling into the dreaded routine?

I know that I usually get bored after a few weeks with someone, especially if they have some sort of drama going on in their lives. That’s how I can usually tell if someone is right for me, whether or not I get bored or annoyed with them early on. It’s not like I’m looking for something, it just usually comes out.

That’s why I always dread starting something new with someone. I just know that sooner or later they will do something to irritate me or make me bored. So there, that’s the reason I’m single. I admit it. I’m too picky and fickle.

Does anyone out there get bored easily with men they go out with? What do you do to fix it? Try to liven it up or end the relationship right there?

I think it’s important for a woman to take a self defense class. Especially a single woman that lives on her own.  You never know when you might need the skills you learn.

The easiest place to check for that is your local high school or community college. Some police stations might also offer a course as well.

You should always learn the basics on how to defend yourself in the case of a potential attacker.

If you aren’t the type to take a class in front of other people, you can do a search on Google and find an online course that you could take. Or you can even try a DVD and use it in the comfort of your own home.

It’s always better to be safe more than anything. It might even save your life.

I’ve talked before about friends not liking the guy you’re dating, but what about the parents? What do you do when your parents don’t approve of the man you like?

To many people this doesn’t bother them, but to a lot it does. Family approval can be very important in the status of your relationship with someone. There are ways to try and make things better between your parents and your boyfriend.

First, if your parents don’t like him, sit them down and talk to them. Tell them that he makes you happy and let them know that while you understand that they don’t like him, you are allowed to make your own decisions. Also let them know that life is about making choices, and that if this relationship is wrong for you, then you will find out on your own and learn that way.

Schedule a day out with you, your parents and your boyfriend. Try to pick an activity that everyone can enjoy, and make sure you interact equally with both parties. If an argument ensues, then it’s time to split it up and go home. But, you may be surprised that some people can still act like adults even if they don’t like each other.

Does anyone else have any tips out there for uniting the parents and the boyfriend?