Are You Kidding Me?

I’ve been watching Lifetime today because they have a lot of cool movies on. My favorite kind of movies; movies full of lies, cheating, sex and murder. It’s Love Gone Wrong Weekend on Lifetime.

Love gone wrong. That’s the story of my life. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the many losers I’ve dated and how each was a loser in their own special way.

Now, some may say that maybe I’m the loser and not them, and that could possibly be true, but I really don’t think so.

I don’t think there’s been one guy that my friends and family have really liked. They’ve all given me the warning signs and pointed them out to me, but I still didn’t listen. Guess I had to learn on my own, right?

Well now I promise that I will listen to what they say. They know what’s best for me, don’t they? And when I tell them something about a guy I’m dating and they point out to me that something isn’t right, I’m just going to listen to what they say and run far far away, like they’ve told me to do many times in the past.

So I will try to have no more ‘Love Gone Wrong’. I’d rather be single than be in another crappy relationship.

I used to love roller coasters when I was younger, but have grown to hate them over the years. Mainly because the last time I was on one, I couldn’t breathe. Maybe it was the freaking out factor, but ever since then I haven’t touched one.

Until our last full day in Vegas.

My sister wanted to ride the roller coaster at the New York hotel and was going to do it whether I went with her or not. I didn’t want her to go by herself, cause then I’d feel bad, so I went with her.

The worst part is the long journey headed up the hill, not knowing when the hill will end and you will finally be coasting over it. Of course, when we went down the hill, I had that not-breathing feeling again, but it passed quickly. I think it passed quickly because I was hearing this new ‘death scream’ come out of my sister again.

I started laughing so hard, not even paying attention to the hills and curves and turns from the roller coaster. All I could focus on was her death scream. Sometime during the ride, I asked her why she was screaming like that and she said she was scared. This coming from a person that just went skydiving.

So anyways, I finished the roller coaster ride crying…not because I was afraid, but because I had been laughing so hard at my sister. I even managed to pose for the camera that takes our picture during the ride.

After it was over, I wanted to go on it again, so we did. This time we weren’t strapped in as securely as we were before, so it was a pretty shitty ride.

I ended up with bruises on the tops of my shoulders and the sides of my jaw. Plus, I missed posing for the camera and got this really embarassing shot of me screaming my head off.

No, I will not be posting it,…it’s just too hideous.

So while I got my tattoo in Vegas, my sister decided to go skydiving. I was a little nervous that she was doing this, but even more so when she told me she wanted me to ride in the plane with her.

For an extra $50 they let observers in the plane, watching their friends and family jump. No big deal I guess, I could handle that.

So we get to the shuttle bus at 7:15am, having to stand and wait near some shady Vegas people, one of which bummed a cigarette off of me. I usually don’t part with my smokes, but I feared this guy, so I handed one over.

After getting to the skydiving place 45 minutes later, we watched a video on safety that was really boring. There were 9 people that were jumping that day, so they split it up into 3 groups. My sister was in the second group.

So let me fast forward to the good part. It’s time for her to go, and she’s getting it videotaped the whole time so she can cherish that memory forever. My sister is doing a tandem jump, which means that she’s going to be attached to someone and jumping with that person, usually a qualified skydiver.

So I end up boarding this tiny plane first, cause I’m the ‘observer’. Little did I know is that they were going to strap a parachute to me, and give me instructions on what to do if the plane went down.

Ummm….what?

So I’m all strapped in and everyone else starts to board. It’s not like a normal flight, with cozy seats and tray tables. This plane has wooden boards on each end to sit on, and straps hanging from the top to hold onto.

So fast forwarding again, there’s about 10 of us crammed into this little plane, and it took about 20 minutes to get to the area in the sky that they would be jumping from.

After that, everything went so fast. My sister was the first to go and I videotaped as much as I could get. It seemed like they all got sucked out of the plane, it was really cool.

And then they were gone.

I was the only one left in the plane, besides the pilots.

It was so cold and lonely up there. (That’s probably why I’m sitting here with the flu, from the wind ripping through me).

After what seemed like forever, we landed. Thankfully I didn’t need my parachute. (Those things are HEAVY).

About 15 minutes later the jumpers arrived, and my sister said it was so awesome.

Which is how the ‘death scream’ was born.

After we got back to the hotel, we watched the DVD that she got of her jump. As soon as she jumps, she lets out this scream that sounds like she’s being murdered by Jason ANDFreddy. I’m sure we ruined part of the DVD because we kept rewinding it to that part, but it was the funniest thing I had ever heard.  I didn’t think a sound like that came out of her.

Luckily for me, the death scream came again the next day, which I will tell you about later….

But overall, she had a great time and would definitely do it again. She even got me thinking about doing it one day.

Anyone else ever been skydiving?

Since I’ve been home sick I’ve been watching Dr. Phil for the past two days. Usually I only watch him during sweeps week, cause that’s when he has really interesting stuff on, but these past two days it’s been about married couples that need help saving their marriage.

And in both cases it seems like it’s the women that are controlling, overbearing and bitchy.

How, I ask, is it that these highly bitchy women can get a man? What is it about a woman that treats her guy like shit that draws them in?

I mean, should I turn bitchy (even more than I am now) in order to snag my Mr. Right?

Why do they deserve to have someone yet I’m left alone? Not that I mind being alone, actually, I’m in a phase right now where I’m very content being single….but it’s the point of it.

I even have ex-friends that are now married to the nicest guys, yet treat them like shit all the time.

Why, I ask?

Maybe I should do an experiment for a week. Be as mean as I can and see how many phone numbers I can get. What do you think?

I had a great time in Vegas. After surviving the annoying plane ride there (passengers are so rude to other passengers), we finally made it.

First thing we did was start walking around and came upon the tattoo shop I was thinking of. Vince Neil’s tattoo shop. No clue if he actually goes there or even knows about the place, but it was pretty cool inside.

Ended up getting something different than what I originally wanted, but I like this one way better.

I’d show you a picture, but I have the flu and don’t feel like trying to pose for a good angle. I’ll get a picture later, I promise.

I don’t really remember what else we did that first day, all I remember was that the weather was beautiful and we couldn’t get enough of it.

I did notice that there didn’t seem to be that many people there like there was last year. Of course, the perverts and creeps still frequent the strip, so that didn’t change.

I think halfway through the day we went back up to our hotel and took a nap because of the crappy plane ride.

We stayed at Harrah’s. Last year I stayed at Imperial Palace and of the two, I like Imperial Palace better. They have these people called Dealertainers, which are dealers dressed as famous people. It’s pretty fun to watch that. Harrah’s didn’t really seem to have much of anything, but I didn’t really walk around there to notice.

This sucks. Even talking about my trip makes me want to be back there.   More tomorrow.

Ugh, why do I have to be sick coming back from vacation???

Is it because I walked around in 60-70 degree weather and am now back to 7 degree temperatures?

Is it because I drank too much and am now suffering from a major hangover three days later?

Or is it because I was around way too many people that could have potentially passed their germs onto me?

Whatever it is, I’m pissed off cause I’m tired of being sick.

And it’s depressing to come back to snow and sludge.

I think I have the flu.

But at least I saw lots of VERY good-looking guys in Vegas. Sadly, the one I’m in love with is married.

If I can say one thing right now before I update about my trip, it’s to make sure you hit as many shows as possible while you are in Vegas. That’s what we did and that’s why I had the BEST time.

Watching people get hypnotized is hilarious.

Just got home yesterday from Las Vegas. I had so much fun, but I am so sleepy and have slept about 14 hours today so far, and just want to crawl into bed.

I’m only up right now to respond to some emails and to see if I still have my jobs.

I had an awesome time and will update later about it, but would like to say that right now I’m not happy about coming back to snowy weather.

I was kind of hoping our flight would be delayed because of bad weather in Cleveland, so that we’d get to stay another day in Vegas, but unfortunately that didn’t happen.

So when I’m a little more coherent I will tell you all about my vacation and the 70 degree weather we had.

Today we get home from Vegas and I will hopefully have many stories to share with you. Either that or I’ll be sleeping for a few days straight as I slowly recover from all my fun.

Or maybe I didn’t have fun and am just wishing to get back to normal with my life here.

I remember last year when I went to Vegas, I had the worst flight ever. It was a connecting flight and it was only supposed to be 45 minutes until it brought us to Las Vegas.

Well, the pilot ended up getting us there in 30 minutes. Sounds cool, right?

Wrong.

This guy drove the plane so fast that we all felt like we were in a time warp thing. It was rocky, bumpy and very unsteady. We weren’t sure at the time that we were going fast, we just knew it didn’t feel like a normal flight.

After we got off the plane, almost everyone on it felt nauseous. And there’s me, bored and people watching. And what do I see?

The guy that was sitting behind us on the flight has now staggered off the plane, and is wobbling over to various trash cans looking for a place to puke.

Yes, the plane flew so fast that he puked all over the place. That was definitely something I didn’t need to see.

So hopefully I didn’t have any bad flights like that this time around. If I did, it may be time to complain to the airline.

I remember the first time I went ‘drinking’ with my sister. I’m sure I’ve told this story before, but I feel like telling it again. She had just recently turned 21, and it was St. Patrick’s Day. She didn’t want to meet her friend downtown by herself, so I told her I’d go with her.

This was back when I never drank, so I decided to be the designated driver.

I kind of stood back in the shadows the whole time, because here I am, 28 years old I think, and surrounded by all these immature people (my sister included) wanting to get wasted as fast as they can.

So I decided to have some fun and ordered her a shot of Firewater. Now, if you haven’t had this stuff before, it BURNS on the way down. And if you’ve been drinking other stuff, my guess is that it doesn’t mix well with that.

So she drank it, not really knowing what it was, and I just sat back and waited.

About a half hour later, she comes up to me claiming she doesn’t feel good and all she can taste is cinammon. (Ahh, the powers of Firewater). A few minutes later, I catch her puking in a trash can.

So needless to say, she still didn’t feel good and wanted to leave. The whole way home, we had to stop every 5 minutes so that she could throw up around various parts of the town.

We finally made it home and I could barely drive because I was laughing so hard. She was laughing too, but it was one of those ‘Wait, I’m really drunk but she’s laughing so I should be too’ laughs.

After that, she didn’t drink for a long time.

I tell this story, why? Because today is my sister’s birthday. We are currently in Vegas, I’m not around right now, neither is she, but I’m sure she will be pissed once we get home and she reads this story.

Happy Birthday, Sweetie!

Do you have a certain friend that just seems to know everyone and always knows where to go to have fun?

Well, one of my friends thinks I’m that kind of person. He recently went through a breakup and while we don’t talk much, we’ve been hanging out more since he wants to start meeting new people.

He told me the other day that he wants me to introduce him to all my friends, since I’m so popular and wants to meet new people that way.

I was surprised he said this because in no way do I think I have many friends at all. I have a lot of acquaintances, but that’s all. Most are never people I’d go do anything with.

So I told him Thanks for the flattery, but currently my best friend is my Nintendo DS. I’ve really had no desire to go anywhere, mainly because of that and also because the weather is so cold outside.

But he’s convinced that I can introduce him to all these cool people that he can hang out with and possibly meet Miss Right.

I’ll have to let him down gently that he’s totally mistaken and that I’m not the popular friend he wishes I was.

But until then, I’ll let him flatter me.